My best friend has been telling me I should start a blog for quite some time now. I will give it a try- I must admit, I didn't think I would have the time, but if she can do it with 3 boys, than I should be able to find the time to, too!
I started it out this morning, as my faith has been on my mind lately. I read an article this morning in the paper, which was somewhat related, and I felt the need to write about those experiences. I suppose that's what a blog is all about.... writing about what is on your mind at the time.
I am so thankful we have two healthy children.... a true blessing! I am sure I will find things to write about- we'll just have to see how often I get this done!
Stay tuned... :)
Monday, September 29, 2008
My Faith
I have struggled with my faith in the past few years. Let me be very clear... I absolutely believe in God... But I have come to learn in the past few years that it is not just about going to church, that it is so much more than that.
Here are a few memories that prove to me there is a God and that I will always have faith, hope and love....
When Shaun was born I was so excited to be a parent that I over looked how seriously compromised his health was. It was a long and difficult labour and delivery. He was breathing when he was born, and I was able to hold him. He had a kind of 'whimpery' cry, which I believed to be ok, since he was breathing afterall... but soon the nurses took him, and soon after they took him to the Special Care Nursery. Andrew and Nancy went to see him. It wasn't until months after, that Andrew told me how serious it was. His heartrate did not regulate after the tumolturous delivery, and there was really nothing they could do to help him, but wait. Andrew asked the doctor what his chances were for survival at that point, to which the doctor replied- 'we don't know.... we've never had a case this severe before....' I'm sure Andrews heart sank, and he didn't have the heart to tell me for quite some time, so he lived with this fear, all on his own.
A few hours later, I was able to see Shaun, and although he was hooked up to a bunch of monitors, I saw past that, and could only see how precious he was. To sum this experience up, he was an absolute gift from God, and although I didn't realize it at the time, God had him in the palm of his hand, and helped him to survive his ordeal. Without our faith (probably more Andrew's at that time, as I was completely oblivious), Shaun may be with our Father right now... what a different life we would have lead...
A few years later, when Shaun was 2.5 years old, and a very funny little boy, I was pregnant again. This time, everything was going well, until they started to do ultrasounds. I thought everything was ok, until I received a call from the dr's office at 730pm to tell me to call my doctor in the morning- it had to do with the results. I absolutely couldn't wait until morning, so I talked to another dr. She told me that there were some things that were concerning with the ultrasound- firstly, they were unable to detect a 4 chamber heart, secondly, there did not appear to be enough amniotic fluid- which could mean anything from - everything is ok, to the baby did not have functionining kidneys.... I didn't even know what to think. My heart sank. To be told your baby (at 5 months gestation) may not survive was the most devastating news I could have ever heard. I continued to ask God why, why now- she was so active, moving all the time- how could this mean she won't survive?
I prayed that God would keep us in the palm of his hand- to heal her, if there was, indeed something wrong. This was probably the first time in my life I actually felt the presence of God - literally- in my life. I felt him holding me close to his heart, telling me everything would be ok- one way or another.
I had to wait about 2 weeks before I could have another ultrasound with the specialist. It was the longest 2 weeks of my life, but I kept my faith, and after a while I knew God was with me always, and I need not worry.
(for those of you who don't know...) I went for the ultrasound, and they told me everything was perfect. A few months later, Alexa was born, without incident- although very quickly- and is a beautiful little girl.
I know these are two big events, but they have ultimately proved to me that there is a God - and I have learned to love Him on a very different level than I had in the past. It is very comforting to know there is someone out there keeping us safe and loving us- no matter what we do. I have absolute hope, love and faith in the Lord!
I continue to struggle, sometimes on a daily basis, but I try to always remember that the Lord is always with me, and no matter what our struggles are, I will be ok and one way or another the Lord will help us through.
Here are a few memories that prove to me there is a God and that I will always have faith, hope and love....
When Shaun was born I was so excited to be a parent that I over looked how seriously compromised his health was. It was a long and difficult labour and delivery. He was breathing when he was born, and I was able to hold him. He had a kind of 'whimpery' cry, which I believed to be ok, since he was breathing afterall... but soon the nurses took him, and soon after they took him to the Special Care Nursery. Andrew and Nancy went to see him. It wasn't until months after, that Andrew told me how serious it was. His heartrate did not regulate after the tumolturous delivery, and there was really nothing they could do to help him, but wait. Andrew asked the doctor what his chances were for survival at that point, to which the doctor replied- 'we don't know.... we've never had a case this severe before....' I'm sure Andrews heart sank, and he didn't have the heart to tell me for quite some time, so he lived with this fear, all on his own.
A few hours later, I was able to see Shaun, and although he was hooked up to a bunch of monitors, I saw past that, and could only see how precious he was. To sum this experience up, he was an absolute gift from God, and although I didn't realize it at the time, God had him in the palm of his hand, and helped him to survive his ordeal. Without our faith (probably more Andrew's at that time, as I was completely oblivious), Shaun may be with our Father right now... what a different life we would have lead...
A few years later, when Shaun was 2.5 years old, and a very funny little boy, I was pregnant again. This time, everything was going well, until they started to do ultrasounds. I thought everything was ok, until I received a call from the dr's office at 730pm to tell me to call my doctor in the morning- it had to do with the results. I absolutely couldn't wait until morning, so I talked to another dr. She told me that there were some things that were concerning with the ultrasound- firstly, they were unable to detect a 4 chamber heart, secondly, there did not appear to be enough amniotic fluid- which could mean anything from - everything is ok, to the baby did not have functionining kidneys.... I didn't even know what to think. My heart sank. To be told your baby (at 5 months gestation) may not survive was the most devastating news I could have ever heard. I continued to ask God why, why now- she was so active, moving all the time- how could this mean she won't survive?
I prayed that God would keep us in the palm of his hand- to heal her, if there was, indeed something wrong. This was probably the first time in my life I actually felt the presence of God - literally- in my life. I felt him holding me close to his heart, telling me everything would be ok- one way or another.
I had to wait about 2 weeks before I could have another ultrasound with the specialist. It was the longest 2 weeks of my life, but I kept my faith, and after a while I knew God was with me always, and I need not worry.
(for those of you who don't know...) I went for the ultrasound, and they told me everything was perfect. A few months later, Alexa was born, without incident- although very quickly- and is a beautiful little girl.
I know these are two big events, but they have ultimately proved to me that there is a God - and I have learned to love Him on a very different level than I had in the past. It is very comforting to know there is someone out there keeping us safe and loving us- no matter what we do. I have absolute hope, love and faith in the Lord!
I continue to struggle, sometimes on a daily basis, but I try to always remember that the Lord is always with me, and no matter what our struggles are, I will be ok and one way or another the Lord will help us through.
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